No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i out mim tonsoeep
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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