i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
