Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
