mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
