I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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