i already hear my dad disowning me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm both gender and math confused
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
