her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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