How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
