The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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