thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
