Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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