In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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