ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
