The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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