yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
