I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
