I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
