In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
