dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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