How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
