I hate all girls vehemently.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
