I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
