I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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