benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
