you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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