Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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