# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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