First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
