well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
