i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
