Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
