alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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