So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
