I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
