You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize