you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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