I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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