butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
