Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
