hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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