What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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