my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How's work?
Spinning.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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