God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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