it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
