I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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