Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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