I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
