is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
