i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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