were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
