apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
